Can't sleep... gotta blog

Have you ever been face first, head on with the devil? Tonight I was.

After the deodorant episode I was trying to be light hearted and funny with the baby daddy (BD). I said to him this evening in my joking sort of way "Hey, BD, I bought some tampons and lip gloss this evening and they're in the bathroom. Just don't want you to think they're Desiree's and use them as your own." To which I got the response. "Please do not disrespect me in my home. I wear the pants in this family and I deserve respect."

Now, here's a little history on this BD who thinks he's a man. For the last 2 years he has not had so much as a steady job or a home for that matter. My cousin works her butt off to support herself and her daughter without any help from him. He actually disappears for months at a time and then will reappear in their lives for a few months. Imagine what that must be like for a 2 year old little girl. For some reason my my cousin "loves" him and is addicted to him and doesn't stand firm on him leaving them alone for good. He does not live in her apartment and just showed up the night before I arrived. He does not pay rent, he does not pay child support, nothing. He lives out of a backpack and a bike. He makes me sick to my stomach.

So, fast forward to his "I wear the pants" comment. Anyone who knows me knows that I stick up for what I believe in and I believe that this guy is full-o-dookie and just wanted to start a fight with me. Looking back I should have just let it go but instead I did what my whole family has wanted to do since day one. I let him have it, first verbally. I don't even know what I said it is all a blur. I do however remember asking him to step outside.

At this point we're screaming at each other. I realized that nothing is coming from this screaming match so I stop talking. Then he proceeds to tell me how I am just a B (rhymes with witch) and that the reason Adam pushes Madelyn around (which he doesn't BTW) is because I am abusive to my son and have no idea how to raise a child. OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!! So being that I'm a B, I B-slapped him, twice. Then I went back inside hoping that he'd cut out the yelling at me. Nope, the verbal abuse continues so I kick him (I tried for the jewels but got him in the thigh instead because he's really tall). Meanwhile my cousin is calling 911 because she's never seen me like this and doesn't know how to stop the madness.

Fast forward. Cops come (I'm sensing that I'm going to be on the show COPS and really start to freak out) I'm standing outside crying so hard on the phone to Brian that I thought I was gonna puke in the bushes. BD is threatening to press charges against my physical abuse. (why can't I press charges against VERBAL abuse!? Verbal abuse is what starts physical abuse). Anyways, BD says that as long as I leave the apartment he won't press charges. So my cousin decides to go to a hotel with me, Adam and her daughter who are asleep. Which I think is a load of bull because he doesn't even live there!! Then the male cop decides that BD should be a man (for the first time in his life) and leave the premises so that the women and children can stay in their house.

I don't feel super safe here which is one reason I can't sleep, but I know that the Holy Spirit will protect me. I'm going to stay at a hotel tomorrow night and then I leave the next morning (thank God, get me outta here!)

I'm repenting right now on my actions which is one reason I'm typing this. But, I'm also praying that I can offer forgiveness for the harsh words that were thrown my way. I know that it was purely demonic what was coming out of his mouth, my mouth and my actions so I'm asking the Lord for complete healing so that this doesn't dwell in me for even one minute.

Thanks for listening :) I'm going to sleep now.